So, I took myself off to have a shower and calm down before making dinner. In the shower my mind just couldn't let go of all the things that are stressing me out. I kept thinking about how I feel like my life is one endless merry-go-round of thankless housework tasks, balancing our budget (a task that most weeks requires the defiance of every mathematical law known to man), and dealing with one conflict resolution after another to keep the peace between the children. I still feel, after almost 4 months in this house, like there is not a room that works the way I want it to. I am tired of compromising what I want to make things work for everyone else. And I am cranky that this year I won't be doing any study. My whole life feels like it is for someone who is not me.
And then, into the bathroom comes a devastated G, who has had a disagreement about a ball with K. I sigh. Loudly. Twice. I want to say, 'and what do you want me to do about it while I am in the shower? can't you wait? why don't you ask your father who you probably walked past to get to me? must I do everything around here???'
Instead I sigh again and say, "why don't you hop in the shower with me?" So she does. She strips off her clothes in a second and gingerly comes in to the shower cubicle. Once she is in and wet she starts talking. She tells me about all the most important things in the world. She tells me that when you are a girl you have to sit down to wee, but in the shower you can wee standing up. She tells me that if you place a cup over the drain in the shower the water fills up bottom of the shower cubicle and if you leave it long enough you can flood the bathroom. She tells me that "itchy bugs" don't like water, but she does. She points out that my body is so huge that if I stand in the middle of the shower it stops aaaall the water from wetting her. She shows me how to fill up the cup by putting her head just so, making all the water run down her long blond curls and into the cup. She chats and plays and relaxes while the water runs over her skin.
I am not feeling any better, however. So I get out, berating myself for not even being able to relax and enjoy such a precious moment as this. I have to remind myself, again, that some days are just plain hard work. I resolve that tomorrow I will do better at being grateful for the things I have.
As I walk to the kitchen to start preparing dinner I see that the puppy has not quite made it outside to relieve himself. For some unknown reason this is when I finally manage to let it all go. What point is there in getting all worked up about it? Puppies need to go when they've got to go. Kids need their mums attention when they are having a rough day. Dirty clothes need washing. Having an internal rage about it isn't going to change any of it. A quick attitude adjustment allows me to finish my day on a better note, and enjoy movie night with the family. We watched "Bedknobs and Broomsticks", and it was really quite funny!