Just another thing to add to the rest

I mentioned on the This is not what I signed up for Facebook page a week or so ago that we were having a difficult week. It's turned into a difficult month.

On top of the usual ASD related things we manage daily, Hubby's Bipolar symptoms have been increasing and causing him issues that have led to him needing to reduce his working hours.

As if that isn't enough we have also seen the addition of 3 other medical issues in the family over the last few weeks. I do my best not to complain, but I sure have struggled the last couple of weeks in particular to maintain a positive frame of mind.

Any one of the things we manage on its own wouldn't be that hard to deal with. Even a couple of them wouldn't be too bad.

But, honestly, I keep thinking to myself, how much more do we have to deal with here?!

I mean, every time something new comes up, it's just another thing to add to the rest. And usually involves another onslaught of paper work to be filled in. Not to mention the added emotional stress and anxiety load. Then I find it difficult to sleep, and so the tiredness cycle starts up..... and my negative thoughts sometimes get the better of me.

I struggle not to dwell on the thoughts of envy that others have so little to cope with, yet still manage to complain so much. It takes a lot of self discipline to keep my thoughts on the track of remembering that the hard times come and go, things always work out OK, and there is always something to be thankful for.

Sometimes I have to give in to a bit of a cry, and just let it all out for a while so that I can clear my mind and get on with things. But, at the end of the day- or maybe more appropriately, at the beginning of each morning- get on with things I must. So I do, most days with a smile on my face, even though I might be wondering what the next thing to add to the rest will be.

When the "what ifs" attack

I have this weird thing going on with my eye at the moment. It's like a mix of allergy and conjunctivitis symptoms. It's pretty uncomfortable, but hardly life threatening.

Yesterday I managed to have a little panic attack over it.

Yep- I was sitting in the car with Hubby driving us, and all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with the worry that I had an infection in my brain that was so bad it was starting to seep out my eye and that I would die within days and Hubby would be left alone with the kids and he wouldn't know everything he needed to know to look after them.

Now, none of my children has "severe" Autism. I don't have to worry about where they will live when I am gone, or who will look after them like some parents do. I thought that I was immune to these sort of panic attacks, to be honest. Apparently not.

For the record, I have quite a good system for keeping records of all the important things Hubby would need if he suddenly had to become the primary care giver and organiser the way I am at the moment. Aside from the fact that he pretty much knows what is going on and attends as many meetings and therapy sessions as his work schedule allows, there is also a paper record of everything. Each of the kids has a file, in the filing drawers, that contains all their relevant health information, school records and for our ASD kids information about all the therapists who know them, recent reports..... everything. Hubby knows where these are, and could easily access everything he'd need to know. The rest of my filing is in all sorts of disarray, but this section is kept in immaculate order (I call it prioritising).

So- what's the deal with this silly panic attack? I don't know! Maybe I'm not as "together" with the whole Autism thing as I like to think. Maybe it's just a normal parenting moment that everyone experiences from time to time. Maybe it's a symptom of an underlying brain infection.....

I decided to take it as a prompt to think through the things I have in place for my kids to get their needs met, and to take a moment to evaluate my record keeping. I think my records are OK, and I am very fortunate to have family and friends that I know would be here for my Hubby and kids in less than a heartbeat if the need should arise. There is even a plan for if something happened to Hubby and I together.

So I don't need to worry. And I won't. Because indulging in the endless cycle of "what ifs" is a time waster, an emotion waster, and an energy waster. And if  really get started, I'll never stop ( I have a great imagination)! There are so many things to worry about, if you set your mind to it, and that is not what life should be about!

Life should be about enjoying the little things, making time for laughs and contentment, celebrating what is good.

Focusing on the attacks of the "what ifs" robs us of that, no matter who we are and what our challenges are.

What are you going to do when the "what ifs" attack next?

6 things I wish I could explain about myself as a "Special Needs Parent"

I read an article today, called 6 Things You Don't Know About A Special Needs Parent. It was a great article. It started me thinking about what things I would like to explain to others about myself to help them understand me and maybe give an insight into why I sometimes react differently than expected. As I thought about it I realised some of my list is the same, and some is different. Here's my list of things that I wish it was easy to explain about myself as a parent of ASD kids.

Running away

G has a habit of running away. She has done it ever since she could walk.

Two weeks down...

We have made it through the first two weeks of term one 2012!