The Weird Kid

More discussion last night with L about how school is going. Academically, he is powering on. Socially- not so much. His one friend has been absent for the past 2 days, so L chooses to be alone during recess and lunch times. This makes me a bit sad, but in the past I have told myself it's OK because he is happy that way, which kind of helps me feel better.

But it seems now that his desire to be alone if his friend is not there is causing problems. It's not that he couldn't go and hang around with other kids in his class. He'd be welcome to. He's been invited to. But he doesn't want to. They don't do things he wants to be involved in, so he prefers to be alone. This applies to everyone- even teachers. He told me that when he is by himself in the playground, people come up to him and try to talk to him. He thinks it's because they are being nice and checking up on him, but he says he finds it "creepy". He doesn't want people to come up and ask him if he's OK, or if he wants to join them, or even to just sit near him and say 'hi' when they do. He doesn't want to talk to them at all, even to say 'hi' back, because he doesn't know them, he doesn't understand what they want from him, and he just wants to be alone. His words. Some people have even placed a hand on his arm or shoulder as part of their greeting and he really *hates* that. So I asked him what he does if people approach him. He told me he usually doesn't answer them, and that he just walks away without looking at them.

E was listening to this conversation between L and myself. When L left the room she told me that she thinks if he does that too often he will become known as "the weird" kid and he will be picked on and harassed because kids will find it funny to see his unusual reaction. Which is exactly what I was worrying about as I was listening to him talk. She said some of her friends have already told her they think he is a bit strange.

Again, the difficulty of coaching him through this is that I am not there to see what these interactions look like, so I am not able to interpret the intentions of these "creepy" people and help him learn to interpret them appropriately for himself. I am so out of my depth.

I also worry about what is going to happen when L's one friend gets tired of playing the same things, and talking about the same things over and over again? I know that it is starting to happen. L says sometimes his friend wants to go and play with other people, and L doesn't want to join  them. Which is normal, and right. But sad for L, and for me. How long do we have before L is alone in the playground all the time? How do I help him gain confidence to be around people who have different interests to him, when he can already articulate that he knows people think he is "strange" (his words)?

The last thing I want is for my son to become known as "the weird kid". I talked about being weird in my post "The weirder the better", and I still believe there is nothing wrong with being unique or "strange" or  "weird", but right now this is causing my boy problems and anxiety. What should I do? If you have experience getting your own ASD teen boy through this stage, I'd love to hear from you.

Why would anyone do that?

This week I found out what the hardest part of having your phone stolen is, if you are a 13 year old boy with Aspergers Syndrome.

L had his phone stolen from out of his school bag while it was unattended for a few minutes during lunch break. He was a bit upset about not having his phone for a few days until we can replace it. He was a bit annoyed while he thought he'd have to learn a new phone number (which he doesn't, so that was dealt with quickly). He was sad to think that he may have lost the progress on a couple of games he had been playing. But do you know what really upset him?

"Mum- I just don't understand how anyone could actually do that to someone. I mean WHY would you take something from someone that isn't yours?"

The heart break in his voice reminded me of my other children when they were around 3 or 4 years old and they realised that everyone dies. And I was in that horrible position that all mothers dread when you have to take away a bit more of your child's innocence and explain that not everyone out there operates with the same amount of integrity as they do.

I wished I could protect him. I wished I could find the person who took his phone and explain to them the impact their actions had. I felt angry at the thought that they probably wouldn't care.

I hugged him hard, and said, "not everyone is as nice as you, Buddy, and not everyone thinks the same way as you and respects other people as much as you do". He straightened up, and squared his shoulders. "Maybe we could ring the phone and ask them for it back?" I realised as I said it how ridiculous my reply was- "well, if you took a phone would you give it back just because the owner rang and asked you to?" He looked at me blankly. He truly did not understand the question. It was an absurd question- he wouldn't have taken the phone in the first place. I tried again- "Do you think someone who stole a phone would keep the SIM card in it and answer it if it rang?" Nope. Still drew a blank. So I simply said, "Buddy, someone who steals a phone for fun will not return it if we ring and ask for it." He took that as fact, and he sighed.

I sighed, and wished that there could be more in the world like my boy, and wondered how to help him cope with all those who aren't like him.

Trying to be satisfied with what I've got.

So, I entered this Blogging competition. Then I did something stupid.

Q&A 3: What is a good way to teach my non Autistic kids about Autism?

On my Facebook page, I asked "As a parent of children who do not have ASD, or as a person who has little or no knowledge of ASD, what do you most want to know/understand about Autism?".  I've written two posts already responding to some of the questions people asked. This post will respond to those who wanted to know about how to teach their non Autistic kids about Autism, and how to support ASD kids who visit their home to spend time with their nonASD kids. 

6 things I wish I could explain about myself as a "Special Needs Parent"

I read an article today, called 6 Things You Don't Know About A Special Needs Parent. It was a great article. It started me thinking about what things I would like to explain to others about myself to help them understand me and maybe give an insight into why I sometimes react differently than expected. As I thought about it I realised some of my list is the same, and some is different. Here's my list of things that I wish it was easy to explain about myself as a parent of ASD kids.